btw

"you know what really makes me mad, when stupid ass people tell me how to have a relationship. YOU KNOW WHY YOU DON'T HAVE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP!?! because all you care about is sex. or you just can't function the easy things that girls want. when did boys become such selfish pigs who think that they can take advantage of girls... OH YEAH when stupid girls thought they were cool for letting boys take advantage of them. sorry, but i have enough self respect to know when a guy deserves and loves me enough for me to want to have sex with him. call me old-fashioned but i just have enough common sense and respect for myself."


^I wrote that months ago... i still feel that way

close your eyes, just settle settle.

i guess the easiest way to do this is via blog... but, i just had an epiphany. and here it is: ever since the beginning of the year i haven't tried to get close to any boys. not a single one. and i've had the basic outlook that they're all scumbags, which according to any girl i talk to, isn't too far off. but after that whole thing, i don't trust anyone, and i don't want any guys to really touch me. (especially the ones who DO want to) i don't want to ever let anybody get that comfortable with me and i don't want to ever get taken advantage of the way i was. for anybody who is confused as to what i'm talking about, just ask...i'd rather not touch on THAT too much. anyway, i guess this is me explaining why i am the way i am. and for those of you who say, "well veronica, you were like this before this year ya know!" i say, well i gave a more free lifestyle a chance, and it was awful and i was uncomfortable, and i felt on display, and i wanted to throw-up, and i never want to feel that way again. and for those of you who are thinking "well that just happened to you, and it was bad luck" well, i wanna just say that i don't care. i'll never put myself in that position again.

what i've been hoping all year is that when i graduate, i'll never have to speak to certain people ever again, and i'll meet a gentleman, and we'll fall in love, and he'll respect me and every single one of my fears, and precautions, and he won't care when i'm not the ideal girl or the party girl or even the average girl (which most would say is a bad thing but from what i've found, it's entirely rational to say is what's expected). and if that doesn't happen i won't feel like a prude for not giving in because i know that if i don't get that then i am and average girl and i do want the same thing as everyone else. which is kind of stupid to say is my reasoning...because it isn't. i'll be fine if i don't settle, because if i settle i'll feel even worse.

i'm just going on and on aren't i? sorry... anyway, i hope some of this makes sense...(?) if not, i guess my mind can be one big discombobulation of junk.

ohjeebs

i forgot about my total love of You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown! and i'm sure i've said it a billion times this evening.

anyways. i made group comedy and i'm pretty excited for it. my group consists of: jonathan orduno, tyler jones, nicole call, jamie redmond, and the new girl patty. so it isn't so bad :] and i'm looking into a few different plays. the new teacher's aide suggested the play Foreigner, and i also looked at Lend Me a Tenor, but i haven't really read into it all that much. i think it should be fun though.

i really am hoping to do Rumors rather than anything else. Everyone is excited about the other plays that Graz is looking at, but i actually read Rumors, and he gave such a bad synopsis, and the scenes he gave to us to audition with don't justify how great the play is. well, we'll see. graz probably won't even put me into the play which really sucks. because i want to be in it so bad. I would totally kill for the lead girl role, Chris. and casey wants Claire anyway. soooo, maybe :/

on another note, i am officially co historian with jonathan, which we knew anyway but now it's official. hahahaha.

well that concludes my day TODAY...

but i'm still really excited for the rest of my week. BLINK on thursday!!! and my 17th birfday next wednesday :] preeeeeeeeeeseeeeeeeeeents

it's pretty late

i just finished editing my world lit. 1 paper. and my trig homework :/ it's been a long night already, and i'm dreading school tomorrow or today...?

well i saw graz and it was really nice. i miss that little italian man :]

well, this is short and sweet, i just thought i'd say that my day was pretty ok.
just sort of slow, and boring but nothing bad happened. lol k night. :]

the sunny side of the truth

In 2006, over 5 million people around the world died from tobacco products.
this fact speaks for itself... that's an awful lot of people.
Cigarettes kill over 50 people an hour
who knows who those people could be? but again, a large number of people
Tobacco kills over 20 times more people than murder
it's funny that the tobacco companies don't get put in jail even though their statistics of killing people are higher than anybody else's in the world.
In just one year, cigarettes leave about 31,000 kids fatherless.
isn't that sad? imagine having to see your friends smoke if you were one of those children.
About one third of youth smokers will eventually die from a tobacco-related disease.
that means about 2 or 3 of my friends will die while we are only about halfway through with our lives.
Cigarettes and other smoking materials are the number one cause of fire deaths in the U.S
are you responsible? because in most cases of my friends hanging out, we're pretty careless. i know i'd be miserable if i was the cause of a fire. especially if it killed someone else.
Each year, only about 5% of smokers succeed in quitting long-term. That's just 5 people out of every hundred.
that means 95 out of 100 continue smoking. and you know, i just don't think that you could really quit if you just wanted to.
On their websites, tobacco companies encourage people to quit smoking. However, in 2006, a court found that tobacco companies manipulate nicotine levels to keep smokers addicted
i thought this was pretty interesting...
22.3% of high school students smoke.
but you already knew that...
and the fact that's most near to my heart... my grandmother died in her 60's because she smoked for the majority of her life. her lungs were failing, and her body wasn't well. she was on oxygen, and couldn't walk far before having to stop and sit to rest. she was in pain, and wasn't happy because of her immobility.
i loved my grandmother very much. she was a role model for me. she was very outgoing and was around for me more than any other adult when i was young. she would wake up in the morning's and make me a big breakfast, and go downstairs to watch me and my friends play. the whole neighborhood called her grandma sally. she was very get-up-and-go. in her last few years, she lived in an old folks home, not able to cook her meals or clean a house, in her last few months she made many hospital visits, was pushed around in a wheelchair with her oxygen tank and stuffed tiger. in her last days, she couldn't smile much, and couldn't speak much, she was very tired and in a lot of pain. i didn't know she was going the night she did. but i'll never forget it. i saw her after she passed, and that image will forever be engraved in my mind. because she wasn't the same beautiful woman she was while i was growing up. i loved my grandmother, and i still do. i hate that i'll always look out into an audience and not see her there. when i graduate, if i marry, any birthday. anything. and it breaks my heart because if she hadn't of smoked, she would still be alive and well.

look, you're mad at me for being mad about this. but you know what? i'm sorry i'm not OK with this, and just because you were "honest with me" about it, doesn't make it right. i don't care who buys them for you, or why you do it, or who else does it. the reason i care so much, is because i care about you. and i don't care if i'm "lame" for getting so upset, or for getting mad at you, or anything. that's whoever's problem. but, i love you and i really mean it when i say i want you to be my kid's uncle, and i want to be your friend when i'm old and frail. and i don't really pay any attention to your justifications or anyone else's on this subject. I had to go through this, and everyday i have to remember that smoking took away one of the most caring, adventurous, kind, and loving women that i've ever know. i love you.

pillows

i'm pretty tired, so this won't be long. i got an honorable mention at DTASC :] i'm really content, because i didn't even expect to make it to finals. anyways, the past few days have been weird. i think it's the weird school schedule. i really hate it :/ i feel behind. i missed monday due to getting my cavities filled. lol. tomorrow is my math CST which shouldn't be too much trouble. what i'm more worried for is the SAT's on saturday ohhhman. i think the math should be fine on that as well. it's always the english i worry about. AH! well i'm basically done...



PS. guess which of my favorite shows is coming back on MAY 21ST!!!!








:] thank goodness

ahbahjeebs

ok. today was QUITE eventful...
woke up, and figured out i wasn't going to school because i had to get 2 of my 3 cavities filled. and we went to do that, which was just SO MUCH FUN :/ it was actually pretty scary and i hate keeping my mouth open for so long. then we went to the doctors so emily marie could get some blood taken so we can see why she's been breaking out in hives. i saw jen chidley there, which was pretty funny. then i had to hear my sister scream BLOODY MURDER. that sucked. i'm glad i wasn't in the room. then deb got me a smoothie from juice it up, since i couldn't eat solid food. then we went over to her mom's house. then went home and who's there? greg and emily. lol deb yelled at greg HAHAHAHA. then greg, emily and i hung out. and i got an ihome. which was fantastic. i love greg so much :] then i got home and hooked it up to realize, "WTF!?! where is my ipod?" well i spent a few hours freaking out about that. i had greg and emily looking all over their house/car for it. and where did i find my ipod? back seat of debs car. lol i was so relieved. well i went to target also and deb bought the hannah montana movie soundtrack for katie, but she won't let me open it for myself... this is terrible. i'm the one who told katie to ask her mom. ok!?! katie hadn't even thought about it!!! i wanted it! MEMEMEMEMEME! :/ now i have to wait until katie's bifday to listen to it. darn it. hahaha. well, you win some, you lose some. lol


anyways. how are you doing? please, let me know



desire,desire,desire...